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wlwanakin · 2 years ago

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since you said to be more specific if i wanted to know more then can you talk abt what youve mapped out of grells and madams relationship? redcliff is my otp so i would love to hear what you think of the red murder wives

ok so!! my biggest thing w them is that to me they are just. horrible for each other. they are soulmates they are tied together by the red string of fate but god is it unhealthy. like if u build a relationship off of brutally murdering ppl ur not gonna have a healthy dynamic i’m sawrry (ESPECIALLY when it ends with murder. u don’t kill ur gf that casually if ur relationship is healthy). there’s so little content of them but the bits we see seem pretty tumultuous (i base a lot off that one rainbow butler one shot bc that shit was so gay but sooo toxic it’s scrumptious) so i just run with it! they’re both very mentally ill and homicidal that shit was doomed from the start

the whole relationship like a slow build from their first meeting bc anne is immediately like Live With Me and they’re inexplicably drawn to each other (read: horny) but it’s a slow evolution from yearning and going marginally insane and probably like drunk making out they refuse to talk abt after to insane love confessions and kinda just running with the idea that they’re basically married. and the whole time it’s just a constant flux between desperately needing each other always and divorce worthy fighting. so much divorce worthy fighting.

grell falls HARD like really fucking hard like despite being the world’s worst gf she’s also more invested. she has insane tunnel vision for anne like she abandoned her whole life for her so ofc she does!! it’s a genuine obsession and it’s so unhealthy and she’s desperately needy and anytime it feels like it may be crumbling she goes hard on trying to sabotage bc she will not leave until the bridge is burnt to fucking ASH (she’s also insanely impulsive abt it like the minute she regains common sense she’s just like “why did i do that” and then wants to rekill herself so bad).

anne is very very infatuated but she’s kind of the normaler party in the sense that she can have a life outside of grell (and grell does not like that). she’s a workaholic abt the murder and also about the Being An Aunt and she’s having a crisis of morality at all times and this makes her very preoccupied but also lowkey without grell she’d kill herself. grell is like her key to being able to live with herself morally it’s like. “no one will love me with how horrible i’m being but this bitch not only loves me but also condones my atrocities!! if she leaves me i’m blowing up the world.” but the thing is she’s confident enough that grell Won’t leave her to not be as invested in her. and she’s also not afraid to be a frigid bitch when she’s pissed at her and can be so extremely hot and cold about everything it’s absolutely insanity inducing.

they’re stuck in this insane loop of being madly in love, anne kinda zoning out of everything and getting cold, grell vying for attention via acting out or manipulation or cheating or something, Big Fight, and then back to being madly in love and they NEVER WANNA STOP bc they understand each other so deeply and fundamentally in a way no one else ever will!! they enable the worst parts of each other and they feel so safe with each other. they’re each other’s home but god that home is the worst place you’ve ever stepped foot in.

there’s also an internalized homophobia layer going on for sure that definitely does not help things. esp bc anne was probably grell’s bi awakening. i always write madam red as a lesbian who has already unpacked that and dealt with it so while she has like. period typical internalized homophobia it’s way less of a Thing for her. but for grell it’s just like Oh God What Is Happening Why Do I Want To Live In Her Skin What Are The Gender Implications Of This I Am Having A Bad Time!! so like the double whammy of a full blown sexuality crisis and first time doing commitment r driving her a little insane the whole time.

it also makes grell nerfing anne a lot less random in my brain. she just snapped in that moment and it was a 2.5 year buildup of frustration that she just let loose bc she felt like she was being rejected and like all her fears of abandonment were being confirmed and she kinda just lost it. i don’t even think she fully gets why she did it tbh it kinda just happened and she ran with it and processed it all two hours later and was like “oh shit i’m going to pretend that won’t make me wanna die forever” but it’s also just a response to a constant pattern of Fucking Everything Up So Bad Now, Kiss And Make Up Later except oopsies it was fatal this time!!!

basically when the relationship is good it’s perfect and idealistic and amazing in every way and when it’s bad it’s the worst fucking relationship you’ve ever seen. it’s a mess they’re a mess it’s so fun!!

#sorry if u wanted more lovey dovey romance for them #they’re both Not Good People the relationship is gonna suck i fear #they r lovey dovey tho. toxically #i like my sapphic ships a little bit rancid and horrible #redcliff #black butler #grell sutcliff #grelle sutcliff #madam red #angelina dalles #asks #headcanons

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tarobytez · 3 years ago

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disability in the Six Of Crows Duology; an analysis of Kaz Brekker, Wylan Van Eck, and the fandom’s treatment of them.

****Note: I originally wrote this for a tiktok series, which im still going to do, but i wanted to post here as well bc tumblr is major contributor to what im going to talk about

CW: ableism, filicide, abuse

In the Six of Crows duology, Leigh Bardugo delicately subverts and melds harmful disability tropes into her narrative, unpacking them in a way that I, as a disabled person, found immensely refreshing and…. just brilliant.

But what did you all do with that? Well, you fucked it up. Instead of critically looking at the characters, y’all just chose to be ableist.

For the next few videos paragraphs im going to unpack disability theory (largely the stuff surrounding media, for obvious reasons) and how it relates to Six Of Crows and the characterization of Kaz Brekker and Wylan Van Eck, then how, despite their brilliant writing, y’all completely overlooked the actual text and continuously revert them to ableist cariactures.

Disclaimer: 1. Shocker - i am disabled. I have also extensively researched disability theory and am very active in the disabled community. Basically, I know my shit. 2. im going to be mad in these videos this analysis. Because the way y’all have been acting has been going on for a long ass time and im fuckin sick of it. I don’t give a shit about non-disabled feelings, die mad

Firstly, I’m going to discuss Kaz, his play on the stereotypical “mean cripple” trope and how Bardugo subverts it, his cane, and disabled rage. Then, I am going to discuss Wylan, the “inspiration porn” stereotype, caregivers / parents, and the social model of disability. Finally, I will then explain the problems in the fandom from my perspective as a disabled person, largely when it comes to wylan, bc yall cant leave that boy tf alone.

Kaz Brekker

Think of a character who uses a cane (obviously not Kaz). Now, are they evil, dubiously moral, or just an asshole in general? Because nearly example I can think of is: whether it be Lots’O from Toy Story, Lucius Malfoy, or even Scrooge and Mr.Gold from Once Upon A Time all have canes (the last two even having their canes appear less and less as they become better people)

The mean/evil cripple trope is far more common than you would think. Villains with different bodies are confined to the role of “evil”. To quote TV Tropes, who I think did a brilliant job on explaining it “The first is rooted in eugenics-based ideas linking disability or other physical deformities with a "natural" predisposition towards madness, criminality, vice, etc. The Rule of Symbolism is often at work here, since a "crippled" body can be used to represent a "crippled" soul — and indeed, a disabled villain is usually put in contrast to a morally upright and physically "perfect" hero. Whether consciously on the part of the writer or not, this can reinforce cultural ideas of disability making a person inherently inferior or negative, much in the same way the Sissy Villain or Depraved Homosexual trope associate sexual and gender nonconformity with evil. ”

Our introduction to Kaz affirms this notion of him being bad or morally bankrupt, with “Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason”, etc. This mythologized version of himself, the “bastard of the barrel” actively fed into this misconception. But, as we the audience are privy to his inner thoughts, know that he is just a teenager like every other Crow. He is complex, his disability isn’t this tragic backstory, he just fell off a roof. It’s not his main motivation, nor does he curse revenge for making him a cripple - it is just another part of who he is.

His cane (though the shows version fills me with rage but-) is an extension of Kaz - he fights with it, but it has a purpose. Another common thing in media is for canes to be simply accessories, but while Kaz’ cane is fashionable, it has purpose.

The quote “There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken.” is so fucking powerful. Kaz does not want nor need a cure - its said in Crooked Kingdom that his leg could most likely be healed, but he chooses not to. Abled-bodied people tend to dismiss this thought as Kaz being stubborn but it shows a reality of acceptance of his disability that is just, so refreshing.

In chapter 22 of SOC, we see disabled rage done right - when he is called a cripple by the Fjerdan inmate, Kaz is pissed - the important detail being that he is pissed at the Fjerdan, at society for ableism, not blaming it on being disabled or wishing he could be normal. He takes action, dislocating the asshole’s shoulder and proving to him, and to a lesser extent, himself, that he is just as capable as anyone else, not in spite of, but because he is disabled. And that is the point of Kaz, harking back to the line that “there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken”.

I cried on numerous occasions while reading the SOC duology, but the parts I highlighted in this section especially so. I, as many other disabled people do, have had a long and tumultuous relationship with our disability/es, and for many still struggle. But Kaz Brekker gave me an empowered disabled character who accepts themselves, and that means the world to me.

Keeping that in mind, I hope you can understand why it hurts so much to disabled people when you either erase Kaz’s disability (whether through cosplay or fanfiction), or portray him as a “broken boy uwu”, especially implying that he would want a cure. That flies in the face of canon and is inherently fucking ableist. (if u think im mad wait until the next section)

Next, we have Wylan.

Oh fucking boy.

I love Wylan so fucking much, and y’all just do not seem to understand his character? Like at all? Since this is disability-centric, I’m not going to discuss how the intersection of his queerness also contributes to these issues, but trust me when I say it’s a contributing factor to what i'm going to say.

Wylan, motherfucking Van Eck. If you ableist pricks don’t take ur fucking hands off him right now im going to fight you. I see Wylan as a subversion another, and in my opinion more insidious stereotype pf disabled people - inspiration porn.

Cara Liebowitz in a 2015 article on the blog The Body Is Not An Apology explains in greater detail how inspiration porn is impactful in real life, but media is a major contributing factor to this reality. The technical definition is “the portrayal of people with disabilities as inspirational solely or in part on the basis of their disability” - but that does not cover it fully.

Inspiration porn does lasting damage on the disabled community as it implies that disability is a negative that you need to “overcome” or “triumph” instead of something one can feel proud of. It exploits disabled people for the development of non-disabled people, and in media often the white male protagonist. Framing disability as inherently negative perpetuates ideals of eugenics and cures - see Autism $peaks’ “I Am Autism” ad. Inspiration porn is also incredibly patronizing as it implies that we cannot take care of ourselves, or do things like non-disabled people do. Because i stg some of you tend to think that we just sit around all day wishing we weren’t disabled.

Another important theory ideal that is necessary when thinking about Wylan is the experience of feeling like a burden simply for needing help or accommodations. This is especially true when it comes to familial relationships, and internalized ableism.

The rhetoric that Wylan’s father drilled into his head, that he is “defective”, “a mistake”, and “needs to be corrected”, that he (Jan) was “cursed with a moron for a child” is a long held belief that disabled people hear relentlessly. And while many see Van Eck’s attempted murder of Wylan as “preposturous” and overall something that you would never think happens today - filicide (a parent murdering their child) is more common than you would like to believe. Without even mentioning the countless and often unreported deaths of disabled people due to lack of / insufficient / neglectful medical care, in a study on children who died from the result of household abuse, 40 of 42 of them (95%) were diagnosed with disabilities. Van Eck is not some caricature of ableist ideals - he is a real reflection on how many people and family members view disability.

Circling back to how Wylan unpacks the inspiration porn trope - he is 3 dimensional, he is not only used to develop the other characters, he is just *chefs kiss* Leigh, imo, put so much love and care into the creation of Wylan and his story and character growth that is representative of a larger feeling in the disabled community.

That being said, what you non-disabled motherfuckers have done to him.

The “haha Wylan can’t read” jokes aren’t and were not funny. Y’all literally boiled down everything Wylan is to him being dyslexic. And it’s like,,,, the only thing you can say about him. You ignore every other part of him other than his disability, and then mock him for it. There’s so much you can say about Wylan - simping for Jesper, being band kid and playing the fuckin flute, literally anything else. But no, you just chose to mock his disability, excellent fucking job!

Next up on “ableds stfu” - infantilization! y’all are so fucking condescending to Wylan, and treat him like a fucking toddler. And while partly it is due to his sexuality i think a larger portion is him being disabled. Its in the same vein of people who think that Wylan and Jesper are romantically one sided, and that Jesper only kind of liked Wylan, despite the canon evidence of him loving Wylan just as much. You all view him as a “smol bean”, who needs protecting, and care, when Wylan is the opposite of that. He is a fucking demolitions expert who suggested waking up sleeping men to kill them - what about that says “uwu”. You are treating Wylan as a burden to Jesper and the other Crows when he is an immensely valuable, fully autonomous disabled person - you all just view him as damaged.

And before I get a comment saying that “uhhh Wylan isn’t real why do you care” while Wylan may not be real, how you all view him and treat him has real fucking impacts and informs how you treat people like me. If someone called me an “uwu baby boy” they’d get a fist square in the fucking jaw. Fiction informs how we perceive the world and y’all are making it super fucking clear how you see disabled people.

Finally, I wanted to talk about how the social model of disability is portrayed through Wylan. For those who are unaware, the social model of disability contrasts the medical model, that views the disability itself as the problem, that needs to be cured, whereas the social model essentially boils down to creating an accommodating society, where disability acceptance and pride is the goal. And we see this with Wylan - he is able to manage his father’s estate, with Jesper’s assistance to help him read documents. And this is not out of pity or charity, but an act of love. It is not portrayed as this almighty act for Jesper to play saviour, just a given, which is incredibly important to show, especially for someone who has been abused by family for his disability like Wylan, that he is accepted.

Yet, I still see people hold up Jesper on a pedestal for “putting up with” Wylan, as if loving a disabled person deserves a fucking pat on the back. It’s genuinely exhausting trying to engage with a work I love so much with a fandom that thinks so little of me and my community. It fucking shows.

Overall, Leigh Bardugo as a disabled person wrote two incredibly meticulous and empowered disabled characters, and due to either lack of reading comprehension, ableism, or a quirky mix of both, the fandom has ignored canon and the experiences of disabled people for…. shits and giggles i guess. And yes, there are issues with the Grishaverse and disability representation - while I haven’t finished them yet so I do not have an opinion on it, people have been discussing issues in the KOS duology with ableist ideals. This mini series was no way indicative of the entire disabled experience, nor does it represent my entire view on the representation as a whole. These things need to be met critically in our community, and talked about with disabled voices at the forefront. For example, the limited perspective we get of Wylan and Kaz being both white men, does not account for a large portion of the disabled community and the intersection of multiple identities.

All-in-all, Critique media, but do not forget to also critique fandom spaces. Alternatively, just shut the fuck up :)

happy fucking disability pride month, ig

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rebelsandtherest · 2 years ago

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we know Matt has his Feral In The Woods moments and now we can see Alfred has his cryptid moments too.

Poor arthur. Imagine being so bad at parenting u turn ur good upstanding little british colony into a finger gnawing cryptid, haunting british encampments and making unsuspecting water boys disappear

Like the old bilge rat isn’t a cryptid in his own right! But he certainly bit off a bit more than he could chew with these boys.

(This got quite long, sorry!)

I think Arthur’s main challenge with raising two North American cryptids of his own is the sheer vastness of the land, and a fundamental misunderstanding of how they relate to it. North America has been populated for millennia, as has Europe, but by the time colonizers reached American shores, Europe was packed to the gills with agrarian people and their carefully cultivated farmlands, whereas the vast majority of North America was stewarded by its people in less visible ways that Europeans would not understand. This disconnect affected how Europeans viewed the landscapes of the Americas, and for Arthur, the young nations themselves.

Once heavily forested, there are few old places left in England where Arthur can allow himself to slip into role of the fae creature he is, beneath his stiff upper lip. In one sense, Arthur feels the loss keenly, but in another, the old forests and hills of England represent for him an incredibly dangerous and tumultuous childhood where even the woods were not a safe place to be. The safety, strength, and prosperity Arthur has gained through the process of “civilizing” himself is worth every last forest he’s lost.

Therefore, when he takes guardianship of Alfred and later Matthew, his instinct is to civilize them as rapidly as possible to save them from whatever troubles they would face left to their own devices out in the wilds of this unfamiliar continent. The mistake he makes is in equating his experience to that of these boys.

Matthew especially finds the wilderness and all it’s creatures, both known and unknown, as an ever-present comfort, an emergency exit from the the inevitable heartbreak and hurts of life that strike too deep for others to heal. Matt was raised on the river and allowed to learn his own land by exploring it as he pleased, never taught to fear the land or his Native neighbors in the same way Alfred was. After the traumatic handoff from French rule to British, the land remained the same, and the river continued to follow the same course, and Matt clung to the constancy of his land as a drowning man to the shore. He allowed himself to grow more feral as a way to self-soothe, to engrain himself more and more deeply with the part of his life that he knew would not abandon him. Bringing Matthew out of this feral state was no small feat and required an immense amount of trust. Ultimately, it was Alfred who did the “civilizing” of young Matthew, but his instincts didn’t allow him to go as far as Arthur would have, in his shoes. Even Alisdair, who would always be thrice as wild as his youngest brother, always thought that Alfred could have done more to domesticate his brother. The thought never occurred to Alfred. Matthew was part cryptid, and he wouldn’t be Matt if that weren’t the case. Besides, by the time Alfred was helping bring Matthew back into colonial society, Alfred had his own experiences living as a cryptid.

Like his brother, Alfred finds a bone-deep comfort in the legends and unknowns that have shaped his lands, though like Arthur, he regards the wilds with mixed feelings, and was raised to fear much about the very lands he called home. Like Matthew, he learned to become a cryptid in order to take care of himself, but it was virtually never a choice he made for himself. In the early days, Alfred’s forays into the American wilds were always desperate, unplanned escapes from physical harm. Alfred began escaping to the woods and the mountains not to escape the Empire, but to escape the superstitions and violence of his own people. So while Alfred grows to associate certain places with memories of his unsteady childhood, he views them as places where he was sheltered from the worst of his own people, and sometimes he’ll slip deep into the Appalachians and revisit old sites to say thank you—he’s not sure who he’s thanking, but he does it anyway.

Matt remains at least 1/3 cryptid to this day, despite Arthur’s best efforts to complete what Alfred started. Alfred himself is largely “civilized”, as Arthur wanted. However, it was Alfred who civilized himself, and he never chiseled out the wildest part, the bits that are still ready to drop his entire life and escape to the mountains at a moment’s notice.

#hws america #hws canada #hws england #hc #headcanons

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plushievash · 3 years ago

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4:02 am questions: all prime numbers

oh thats a fun way to do it putting it under a readmore so its not too long <3

2. Do you mourn for a place or person you’ve never known? yeah, occasionally, when i think too hard abt it i mourn the person i couldve been if i wasnt u kno...

3. Do you really think there is somebody for everybody? yes! multiple people even! <3

5. Do you have to be related to be family? of course not! <3 just a few of my best friends ive never met irl that i consider family are renee, emry, n eli <3<3

7. Are you in love? Do you want to be? i think so yes

11. Would you change your appearance if you could? i can and i will >:) im making myself into who ive always been! isnt that great? <3

13 - answered!

17. Did you have imaginary friends? Do you still have them? i dont think so unless u count plushies ?

19. If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why? im not anymore...sometimes i wish i was because i felt like i owed that to my lolo and lola (though they never pressured me into it.. i just felt like it could be a way to honour them)

23. Is love about convenience or something more? Can it be about both? i dont know what it means abt convenience so.. something more!! love is the way u get excited abt ur fave things; love is ur friends sharing their fave things w u; ect ect !! <3 love is everywhere bestie <3 maybe corny as hell but im tired of being embarrassed and depressed !! theres so much love in everything and its nice to think abt :) !

29. Do you believe in some form of god/s? no? i dont like to think abt it too hard

31. Do you have a hunch about how you’re going to die? i believe im meant to drown as irrational or insane as that might sound i always had a feeling i was meant to drown.. even when i was little if i started to drown i wouldnt freak out because i just ? trusted the water ? deciding it was my time to go ? but when i get extremely paranoid im afraid i will be hit by a car or killed by a random act of violence

37. Do opposites attract? magnets! yes :) ok ok sorry. maybe. idk w/e lol

41. What fundamentally matters do you? money fun and my besties <3

43. Do you create art? How do you define art? WELL. yes <3 i do my funnie little drawings :) how do u define art? who give a shit <3

47. Do you have to suffer to truly understand the human condition? What is the human condition? How can you really experience it? there will always be suffering in life but thats not all it is

53. Which beliefs do you have that is most likely to be wrong? nothing. i know everything so jot that down. <3

59. What do you think the next era of music will be like? i dont know bestie... i listen to the same songs on repeat for years on end </3 penis music.

61. Do we live in tumultuous times, or do they just seem so strange because we’re living in them? oh it is very tumultuous times

67. What’s the worse thing a person can be? abuser obvs

71. Would your life make a good play? yes im the most interesting person in the world hope this helps <3 it has to be a musical

73. Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation? AS FUCKING IF LMFAOOOOOO

79. When you are sad, do you listen to music that conveys your emotions or music that makes you happy? sad music my beloved <3

83. Given the chance to live your life on Mars, with no hope of returning to Earth but with the promise of scientific discovery and glory, would you take it? yaes... i want to get killed in space seems fun

89. If you lost all your memories, would you have the same personality? losing ALL my memories is something that freaks me out so much i have such a huge paranoia abt it i do not want to think abt it

97. Are you overly analytical? perhaps but my thoughts and my brain is sexy so its ok :) (bonus fact 97 is my fave number)

#assk #ty ! <3

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whentherewerebicycles · 3 years ago

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I've seen you talk abt the youthsss and black and white morality before & it made me think, because (I think?) you teach college, & I feel like I wasn't really able to start grasping actually messy/complicated realities until I had graduated and lived in the world a bit longer. I think the internet has led lots of young people to really strong verbiage around things and by nature of being young and starting to have stronger convictions I think it gets mobilized as a more binary yes/no response that they're encouraged to champion. idk if it's any consolation (or if u even want consolation!) but I really felt like I changed most dramatically in the few years after college when I left the bubble. you're doing important work to help kids break out of it sooner tho!!! I just want to add some hope that so much of it is sort of age related or development in my own experience. luv all ur thoughts on this stuff as always!

oh for sure!! I think you’ve articulated it so well here. it’s absolutely a phase in people’s lives where we are so unshakably confident in our convictions—probably because underneath we are so unsure of who we are and are doing SO much grappling with those big questions of: what kind of person am I? what do I believe? who do I want to surround myself with? who am I away from my family/hometown for the first time (both both physically away but also emotionally trying to disentangle yourself from your upbringing)? I feel like it’s such an emotionally tumultuous time and in many ways such a scary time, because a lot of our bedrock certainties about the world and ourselves are being challenged for the first time, and we’re going through a new stage in the painful, messy, exhilarating-but-terrifying process of individuation.

I was talking about this with my best friend (who is a high school teacher), and we were discussing how one of the strange things about teaching the same age group for a long time is that you don’t get to see any of the growth that happens after that life phase. and then you also see that very specific life phase over and over and over again, with each year bringing you a fresh new crop of kids who are going through the same phase as the last group. I think for me that can create this false impression in my mind that nobody is growing at all—they’re all just cycling through the same conflicts and getting stuck in the same stubborn black-and-white certainties over and over again. I’m not sure I’m articulating that well, but when I’m feeling cranky or ungenerous my feeling is kind of like, “oh my god, they never change!!! they never grow!!!” which is unfair to kids, lol, because it’s not their fault that I’ve seen ten years of kids go through the same cycle! for me it’s the tenth time but for them it’s all brand new! it’s why I sometimes wonder if it would be good to move around more between age groups, just to give myself a deeper understanding of how the self evolves through these different life stages. when I only look at my tiny little slice of people’s lifecycles it’s easy to get stuck in the same black-and-white certainties that often frustrate me in the kids I teach, lol.

I also just think maybe I can work on deepening my empathy and compassion for kids, too—like prioritizing empathy and curiosity in the way I narrate my classroom experiences to myself and others, and also practicing that savoring mindset of just, like, consciously noticing and taking time to value those little moments where you see a spark of growth, or where you can feel a kid really genuinely (and courageously!) trying to grapple with complexity without falling back on easy but reductive certainties. because those moments absolutely happen all the time, but my perception of what is happening and the story I tell myself about it is shaped by what I pay attention to, and it can be easier (but lazier/less honest) to pay attention only to the negative or the frustrating aspects. anyway this is all to say: this was a very good ask, and it’s giving me some things to think about!!

#I need only think back to my own bullheaded certainties in college lol #it’s mortifying!!

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deathvsthemaiden · 4 years ago

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ok wait after u sent me that ask i have to know ur top books!!! dw if u don't feel like it but i would love to hear them 🌷

This is so sweet and considerate! Thank you Eva, you gave me 5 so I’ll try to keep it to that # as well 💖🐰 off the top of my head:

🌷 The Stormlight Archive series, especially the second book, Words of Radiance. Stormlight is like 4 books + 2 novellas right now, and is projected to be 10 books and ???novellas eventually. And on top of that each main book is 1000+ pages and while you can read Stormlight on its own, most of the other books by the author, Brandon Sanderson, are part of this larger fictional universe called the cosmere. Each series takes place on a different planet, and if you are invested in the whole cosmere, there’s Easter egg references to other series in other series. So like! While I rec these books often, most people understandably don’t take me up on it wgshshh 🤭 Sanderson’s non-Stormlight books are all MUCH shorter but also much more flawed imo. Like I wouldn’t count him among my favorite authors were it not for Stormlight. anyway I’m a die hard fantasy fan so the length didn’t deter me, and I picked these up because a friend told me the world building in these books was genuinely unique instead of the typical very lazy maps composed of like. Fantasy Russia and its hostile mysterious neighbors Fantasy General East Asia and Fantasy Africa lol. and she was right! The world building is exquisite and refreshing and almost every character is canonically of color. They live in a society with an eye color based caste system and it’s.., so hard to sum up this massive series with four main characters and a ridiculous(ly fun) amount of plot lines, so I’ll cut this short and say 1) the first book, The Way of Kings, is highly expository but the ending is so so worth it, and if you enjoy the ending you’ll find merit in continuing with the series 2) Words of Radiance is my favorite book so far partially because I haven’t read the newest, Rhythm of War, yet, and also because it’s the book with the most scenes that solidified Kaladin Stormblessed (one of the main characters) as one of my favorites of all time. Another one of the best things about this series is how Brandon Sanderson portrays mental health in very natural ways, and it makes Kaladin’s growth so incredibly soothing to follow (I MEAN. He has low points that sometimes hit too close to home, but it makes you root for him harder) he really is just. Truly my definition of a hero, if we wanna get cheesy about it, and I had to pick one solid example. I love him so much this isn’t even the tip of the iceberg as to why 😭!

🌷Jane Eyre. Silly frivolous teenaged girl that I am this book swept me off my feet when I first read it and I condone every problematic aspect of it❤️ (I DONT ofc but like! I love drama and being played like a fiddle by narratives and the book delivered on both fronts! And it couldn’t have without its unsavory plot twist soooo 😙💖) (the hate this book and especially one specific character gets is funny to me just because like. Hate for the former (imo) usually stems from people taking the book too seriously while simultaneously missing the point (JE and du Maurier’s Rebecca (highly influenced by the former) are oft considered loose Bluebeard retellings for a reasonnnn!) and hate for the latter is usually just like. Warranted and then taken over the top like... he’s just a fake funny little man you guys :( and the book would’ve been boring if he wasn’t so twisted and out of touch and passionate ): not to mention I do personally in a mean ish way think it’s funny how for some people this character is one of the worst examples of men they can imagine. Like good for Them! I don’t want them to have lower standards for horribleness in people But also omg 🤭 it just reminds me of how... irony of all ironies, I’m semi frequently told I’m too harsh on real life men and then when I love twisted ones in books (for being funny and entertaining and good solid characters) I like. get the most interesting side eyes (whether figurative or literal) bwjswnhshe anyway I have nothing against Austen, I definitely enjoy her, but from what I’ve read so far, I prefer the Brontës a lot more... I need adventure! Show me horror show me rot etc etc❤️ also I’m. A stupid sucker so the fact that the book was Charlotte Brontë’s attempt to write a plain looking lady protagonist and to make her praiseworthy and virtuous and worthy of spellbinding romance makes me... 💗💓💕

🌷Keturah and Lord Death — Martine Leavitt. I haven’t seen it officially stated anywhere but to me it’s p clear this book is a retelling of/highly inspired by Godfather Death (the Grimm tale) Very simple, predictable but effective plot, and the characters are just. So much fun. From my url you can probably tell I love stories in which women (or anyone but you know. Death and the Maiden is its own trope for a reason) outsmart/face off against death. If they also k*ss, when done right, I think that’s swell as well.

🌷A Thousand Splendid Suns — Khalid Hosseini. By far the heaviest book I will mention in this ask, and I don’t rec it willy nilly for that and a few other reasons. It’s a forever fave to me because I read it at the exact right time in my life, where I was like... noticing a ton of things irl and things at home were tumultuous, and when I saw very similar things unfold in this book while I was being silenced and made to feel crazy by the adults around me, it meant so much to me to see reality as I was experiencing it in real time reflected back at me via this novel. The context of the story is wildly different from my own life and the stakes the characters face are far higher, and it is if I remember right mostly a novel about the horrors of war, which isn’t something I pretend to have any firsthand experience with, but! It was legitimately cathartic to read when I read it, and it especially meant a lot to me at the time that the author was a grown man. Not to mention how my mother is not and never has been a reader, and somehow the one and only book I ever managed to get her to read was this. Hilariously she got mad at me for only (“only”) reading depressing things (there’s... a grain of truth to that but she doesn’t need to know! 🤫) but also... she was hooked I could tell! (I got all tmi explaining this one gag I’m so sorry)

🌷A Slight Trick of the Mind — Mitch Cullin. Retirement-era Holmes! Holmes as an old man! A sad old man who keeps bees!! It’s the novel the movie Mr. Holmes was based off of (haven’t seen it yet) and I was not expecting it to get me all sentimental like it did 🤨😪 but anyway it’s like. A prolonged character study and explores some of the most interesting (to me, anyway) parts of Holmes that are only lightly touched upon in canon, like his occasionally huge follies when navigating his few close relationships and how he copes with them afterwards, his fatigue at the random injustice of the world, how he’s often mistaken both by characters that surround him and people irl as a man without feelings, etc etc. like there’s no Dr. Watson or Mrs. Hudson in this book, and the people he interacts with are almost entirely original characters, but as I listened to the audiobook it barely occurred to me to miss Watson and Hudson (I know! 😦) and the author’s original characters interacted with Holmes so believably that I sometimes forgot they weren’t ever Doyle��s. Def recommend to any flexible Holmes fan that’s not a total stickler for canon (though you don’t actually have to know much about Holmes to read this book and enjoy it! 🐝)

🌷Sleepless — Sarah Vaughn + Leila del Luca. I began with the longest book, so let me end with the shortest. It’s a 2 volume long graphic novel series and that it’s so short is the only long standing, legitimate complaint I have of it! Gorgeous art, really effectively written romance, a dark skinned girl who gets to be the proactive, lively protagonist and stunning, pined after love interest at the same time, a cast of characters that is majority of color, the perfect %-age of drama and angst etc etc. if you can find it via your library or online or smth, you can knock it out in one sitting and leave the experience eternally altered in the funnest way 👁👄👁

Honorable mentions: The Botany of Desire — Michael Pollan, Troubling Love — Elena Ferrante, The Girl from the Garden — Parnaz Foroutan

#asks #book recs #wasn’t sure if you’d read Jane Eyre before so I was vague abt it qgzhshshs #long post

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zitkaplushie · 4 years ago

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nightwing secret files liveblog:

this is gonna be a long one so it’s under a cut!

taking wing-

is that jason??

i like this 'a christmas carol' type exposition i'm ngl

i'm not sure if 'jason''s dismissal of the circus is dixon using an unreliable narrator, or if dixon actually believes that

god i hate this art so much

how dare u insult the teen titans in any way 😤 i like the name

also titans cameo!!

more awful jason characterisation (pls dixon just stay 8732894738 feet away from jason)

"without robin i have no family" i guess the titans are just chopped liver huh

"i always thought that one day i'd be batman" nope nope nope nope you have 0 understanding of dick's character if that's what you think mr dixon

i love clark having a part in dick becoming nightwing - i adore it - but the way dixon retcons the importance of the titans, and especially kory, in dick becoming nightwing rubs me the complete wrong way. i'm choosing to read this as a between the scenes moment, but i 100% dixon intended this to replace the titans' importance. and the way ppl just swallow it up w/o thinking about the reasons behind why dixon would want to erase the titans - and kory - pisses me off lmao

"i didn't mean to stay so long [with the titans]" *eternal screaming* he really wants to undermine the titans at every possible turn wow

at least the next page acknowledges the importance of kory in dick's life, but right afterwards we have "lmao she must've liked your costume. all the girls did. you're a chick magnet" (paraphrased) and i'm just back to sighing

also hi i'm mad at the framing of babs being the endgame bc of course they'd do that. and also at kory being shorter than dick. thanks! i hate it! i'm willing to bet that dixon asked for that specifically.

"this is where i came in" i'm confused at this part but tbh i don't care enough to think abt it any more

i'm also ughhhh at the way they're trying to give bludhaven importance. i don't care, i don't like it, he should've never moved there

ok i do really like that last page

the fact files things are good enough, i love the art for the haly's circus one! the pt barnum ref is 😬 though (ik ik it's the 90s but fjskdh why)

lost pages: teen titans-

ok so, i don't like devin grayson. i don't like her writing at all, i don't think she gets the characters at all, and hot take: if you dislike a character who's super important part of dick's life, and helped him come into his own and be who he is, you shouldn't be writing that character. (i'm talking about kory here, but tbh if you dislike any of the characters who dick interacts with frequently and are a huge part of his life - especially his love interests, and his family - you shouldn't be writing dick.) so i'm not going into this story with high hopes. however i've seen ppl talk about this story as being really good so i hope i'll like it too

you can tell she mostly cares about the fab five, which wouldn't be a problem if she treated the ntt characters better but alas ://

kory and vic both say 1 thing the entire page lmao

ALSO KORY NOT KNOWING WHAT DAY IT IS IS ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT I CANNOT BELIEVE

i loooove the parallel between dick grasping wally's hand and young!dick holding his dad's hand 🥺🥺🥺🥺

vic legit says one thing the entire story lmaoooooooo 🙃🙃🙃

i love garth and roy being brought to the tower 🥺

this is def some of grayson's better work, but it suffers from the same thing all of her stories do. she doesn't fully understand all the characters. if one character is off it affects the whole story. a lot of her stories have good ideas and poor execution, and this one definitely doesn't have awful execution but there's still something missing and as someone who loves the titans it's just sad. i get why people like this story - it made me tear up at the end ngl - but the rest of the titans are just as important as dick and it feels like the writer doesn't understand that. (i get this is a dick comic but it's still a titans story.) (it does however make me want to write a fic expanding upon this moment and the aftermath bc the idea of the titans all coming together to cheer dick up is so goooooood. are they gonna have a party celebrating dick's parent's lives? are they gonna eat junk food and watch a comfort movie? are they gonna just sit and talk?? the possibilities are endless!!)

the art is gorgeous as all of jimenez' art is, i love his style so freaking much!!

the next page is of the bludhaven supporting cast and all it does is remind me how much i do not care abt them. i think the only one i actually like is clancy, the others are expendable and forgettable. (i do love clancy a lot though, i wish she'd been written by more people than just dixon). though, i usually love guice's art, i think i actually prefer mcdaniel's take on clancy??? which is 100% a first for me.

i like seeing the set up to dick's apartment, bc i'm a sucker for layouts and maps. i wish this comic was way better written bc the concept of dick living in an apartment building and interacting with his neighbours is one i really like, esp in superhero comics. but again i have to say, alas.

a day in the life of nite-wing/hangin'-with tad:

painful... just painful...

i physically couldn't care less about this if you paid me

the next page is tad's file and i am Not Reading That. nope nope nope. and also fuck you.

next is a map of bludhaven, and like i said, i'm a sucker for maps.

the page after that is brutale's file and again i just do not care. the art is by damion scott who i really like, but the design looks like knock off scarecrow so

the next pages are files for double dare, lady vidc, shrike and blockbuster and i'm skipping them all bc i give negative fucks

next is a spread of what i assume is dick's cork-board? it looks kinda interesting but the writing is hard to make out and i don't care enough to try to decipher it

next is torque's files and same same, idc idc

nightwing's romances/orange you glad i didn't say banana?:

ok so y'all know i hate dickbabs. i hate everything about how it was built on the foundation of tearing down kory and dickkory and i'm a kory fan first and foremost so i hate this whole situation. so i'm already predisposed to disliking anything that talks about how babs is dick's true love, and talks down any of his other love interests. i come into this with an admitted bias. i'd try to be charitable but i don't see why i should when no one involved in the writing of dickbabs is charitable towards my faves so 🤷

i love love love stelfreeze's art! he's drawn babs in something else i read and i loved it then and i love it here!

i adore dick and babs' friendship, so the beginning is really sweet and cute. i also love the concept of baby!dickie being obsessed with watermelons and wanting to eat them forever

dewey decimal system!!! librarian babs reference!! fdjkh she's such a nerd i love it

babs trying to talk about romance and dick's like 'lol nah what abt fighting' lmao

i Do Not like babs hitting dick while talking abt 'i was segueing into talking about romance, hint hint'

this is romance? dick giving exactly 0 fucks?

why are these writers obsessed with hinting at dick and donna??? like first dixon and now grayson??? please stop!!!! i do love how he says he loves her bc 🥺🥺🥺 i love them

ur not being slick having babs call donna 'donna' and kory 'starfire', i see you grayson. i see ur hate for kory.

and reducing kory to just her body, and dick's sexual attraction to her boils my blood

i'm choosing to interpret babs's face in that panel as her being attracted to kory too

i do like that dick talks about being in love with kory, and thinking about still being with her. a) i'll take those crumbs, and b) thats how i see dick's relationship to love as being (though devin views him as kinda flighty and unfaithful so idk how we're agreeing on this lmao)

pls stop talking shit abt huntress devin, ur the one who made dick/hel a thing

since devin loves her brudick subtext, i'm side-eyeing the mention of bruce there

also why are we hinting at cass pls stop

babs being jealous and petty pls stop

the ending was smooth i have to admit it. if it was any other ship i'd probs love it but as it is, i'm tired of everyone else being downplayed in favour of the ~babs is dick's true loooooveee, it's always been herrrrr, from the beginningggggg~

i don't mind babs being dick's first crush though, in fact that's my hc for him because hello?? who wouldn't have a crush on babs??

thank you mr stelfreeze for accurately portraying babs' bitchface bc she's being a petty bitch here (and i love her but lmaooo i hate this whole thing)

next is the files on the bludhaven pd and i do not caaaare

then there's a timeline, but i don't care about any timeline that dixon writes. i'm petty though so i'm gonna read it and talk abt why i don't like the retcons.

i hate the dickbabs reference in YEAR FUCKING 3 jfc. pls stop with the retcons.

also lmao the difference between the way dick's canon relationship from that time is described in the shittiest way possible (though reluctant at first, dick begins a long and tumultuous romance with teammate starfire.) and how he wrote dick and babs' relationship (robin first teams with ... barbara in her guise as batgirl. the two will pair time and again over the course of their careers and develop a burgeoning affection for one another) this was at a time when they weren't even remotely interested in each other!!! there was no affections there dixon! no matter how much you wish it to be true!! and again the contrast with 'starfire' and 'barbara'! like it's dehumanising and i hate it.

and he can't even bother to get the new teen titans' team name right.

no mention of kory's importance in dick becoming nightwing, nope we ignore that bc it's thanks to superman now.

stepping away from the way he hates kory to talk about the way he hates jason! jason's described as a 'troubled orphan' and a 'juvenile delinquent'.

no mentions of how jason and dick bonded but as soon as tim gets introduced he talks about how dick and tim 'switfly bond as brothers'.

another incredibly impersonal description of dick and kory's relationship (the wedding of dick grayson and kory anders (aka starfire) is aborted by the rogue titan raven. dick and kory soon part company and dissolve their relationship.) but at least he calls her kory this time.

also i love how he speeds up through all the 'non important' development for dick but spends a whole page talking about all the bullshit he's been writing for nightwing. i understand why, but it's just lmaooooo 🙃 when you read it like that, it really shows how shitty this comic is.

talks of the 'doomed relationship' between dick and hel and i really hate it pls stop

the last page is dick's evaluation by the police academy and i do not care so i'm skipping it too.

#welp. this comic was a ride. i hated 95% of it and i hate dixon and grayson's writing #antidickbabs #bc i talked a lot of shit abt them #and i'm free to do so but i'm tagging for ppl who don't want to see ship hate #reyes reads comics #reyes.txt #long post #negative #for the blacklist #edit - i added a cut bc it was too long #2nd edit - ooff so many typos

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gcldveins · 5 years ago

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i’m sorry i have no self-control and also maya hawke, medalion rahimi, brianne tju is literally so freaking gorgeous so i couldn’t Not .... so here is my fourth child !! an actual child, louisa kwan !!

overview

✎⌠brianne tju. cisfemale. she/her⌡❝ — well, look who’s just arrived ! if it isn’t the one and only louisa kwan. though, around here they’re known as the insurgent. don’t tell ‘em i said this but the twenty-three year old drummer and reel tide cinema worker kinda has a reputation of being cynical and headstrong. but y’know, they can be understanding and clever too. typical taurus. anyways, welcome home and stay safe lou ! ❞

full name: louisa winnifred kwan.

nickname(s): lou, only lou or she will blow up ur mailbox

date of birth: may 11th, 1996

hometown: misty hollow, connecticut.

gender identity: cis gender

preferred pronouns: she/her

sexual orientation: homosexual

hogwarts house: slytherin

aesthetic: dirty converses, oversized sweatshirts, lots of flannel, the smell of vanilla and earl grey, dark circles under her eyes, the steady ticking of a clock, second-hand books, music so loud you can feel the ground vibrate.

their song from the sigh no more album bc i love this album and it makes me Sad™: the cave

background: sexual assault tw

lou’s lived in misty hollow her entire life ! and she hates it ! but is she gonna do anything abt it ?? probably not :)

she has one younger sister and together they lived w their dad at the trailer park on the outskirts of town ( though lou moved out when she was 17 and only ever comes back to check up on her sister )

lou and her sister grew up in a pretty tumultuous and unstable environment, never knowing what time their dad would come home, if he’d even be sober or not. sometimes he would just disappear for days at a time so lou and her sister learned how to make do without him.

she’s worked at the local grocery store since she was fourteen, picked up a few other part-time jobs here and there to accompany it throughout the years, but her job at the grocery store is one of the few constants in her life.

lou’s quite smart, always excelling in school without much effort. as she got older, teachers would encourage her to join writing competitions and apply for certain scholarships, but her father always told her she’d never make it, that they would never look at someone like her and see a winner.

so over the years, that’s just been kind of playing in her head on repeat. she’s incredibly afraid of failure, of not being good enough, to the point that she won’t even allow herself the opportunity to succeed if it means failing is a possibility.

and that’s why she’s never really done anything with her life. after high school, she took up a full-time position at the grocery store and also works at reel tide cinema on her off days. she tried taking a couple courses at the college once or twice, but never really got past that point.

if she could have, she would have gone to school to be an english major. reading was always one thing she really enjoyed, same with creative writing. probably could’ve gotten her masters and been a teacher or something, she’s always been good with younger kids.

lou learned how to play the drums when one of her dad’s friends offered to teach her. she really enjoyed it - music provided another escape, another outlet for her. but then he made a move on her at fifteen years old, so after telling him to fuck off, lou picked up extra shifts at work and saved up for almost two years to buy her own drum set.

she joined rosie’s band when she was a wee lil thing, hardly even knew how to play but !!! now it’s one of her favourite past times and allows her to feel like ... maybe shes KINDA doing smth with her life that isnt totally shit boring

personality

lou’s pretty quiet, likes to stay in the background of things. she doesn’t say much, but she’s not shy at all. just prefers to keep to herself.

once you get her talking or riled up though, you’ll find she’s quite opinionated and zealous. had behavioral issues as a child cause if someone couldn’t wait their turn for the sharpener .... they probably would’ve gotten merked.

but in high school she grew out of that, learned how to control herself and channel her anger into things like music and writing. now just resorts to flipping people off as her physical expression of anger <3

lou’s the type of person that .. if she doesn’t like you, she won’t be afraid to let you know.

but has always had a soft spot for kids .. she really loves her younger sister and they’ve made a pact that once she turns eighteen she’ll move in with lou in her shitty little apartment ;-;

always kind of has a calming, quiet presence. just an overall chill person. but when her chaotic energy is channelled... v much the anarchist, activist type. probably could’ve also studied social justice or smth in university. she’s like .. the one that comes up w the schemes and strategies then convinces someone else to do it for her nfjsndks

wanted

friends ! lou keeps a tight circle, mostly gravitates towards quiet types like her but i’d love for her to have that chaotic friend where they’re just .. a v bad influence on each other n like .. overall a bad omen on misty hollow

a roommate !! someone that’s willing to share a crappy lil apartment w her and eventually her little sister <3

people she works with ?? she’s had a lot of jobs over the years so !! anything will work

exes ?? lou’s been in denial abt her sexuality up until like two years ago probably lmao so anything goes !

people she went to school w or grew up w mayhaps ??

these are all just ideas, crappy ones at that, but i’m pretty much down for anything n would love to brainstorm w yall !!

#misty.intro #did i make this shit up right here right now?#yeah. yeah i did :~)#now to make her tags ndfjgdnf BRB #if u wanna plot w my babie pls !! feel free to hmu !!#ill try n mssg everyone tht likes this as well <3

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unproduciblesmackdown · 5 years ago

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you said random number so.. gimme 5, 17, 24, 26, 38, and 43

#epic thank you!!!! sorry this is so long, gang, but you know me. press J if you have that keyboard shortcut option

5)favorite fics?

soph nothingunrealistic’s!! click the link & peruse any of the dozen gifts to this world on ao3. also just go right to her writing tag

17)a fandom you wish more people were in/you had more people to talk to about?

well i don’t Really have an answer for this one, but just yesterday it was once again time to talk abt how jaclyn moriarty’s 4-book ashbury/brookfield YA series is a lot of fun and unusual in good ways, but like, i guess what with being published throughout the aughts and like, not being super obscure but also not being explosively popular, and idk maybe they were also more Known in australia than the US, and, idk, but there’s not exactly what you’d call a Fandom online, or even very many traces of one. and i just like to mention the series as Fun To Read because they are very lively and focus on girls and have a real variety of Girl Characters (and also some boy characters who are also varied and fun but that’s just a bonus) and in particular i like to talk about how the third book has a really Unusual Choice Of Protagonist (the unfun unpopular Best Grades by-the-book overachiever etc etc etc nerd girl, kinda having the personality that ppl misinterpret alana beck’s personality to be lol, like something of a killjoy goody-two-shoes lol, but also with that earnestness and drivenness that alana has as well)......and the format of each book is Epistolary, but in different and creative ways each time, and it’s fun how like, the characters who are telling the story (the ones whose letters are used and etc) rotate with each book [tho emily and lydia are Storytellers in the 2nd And 4th books] and it’s very neat how like, you do get that sense that just b/c someone’s not being Focused On as much from different people’s perspectives doesn’t mean they aren’t still existing and present and doing stuff and having their own story, even when that’s not being mentioned by whoever’s writing down the events that we’re reading. we love that sentiment. anyways i just like to always Promote them.

24)who are you at the end of this decade?

hmmm!! i mean in many ways i am who i have been the whole time but yknow, 2009 - 2019 was a tumultuous period. i was always furiously trying to think through Who Am I As A Person for various reasons, even though like, when you’re in ur mid-teens that’s always In Progress rather than there being a really set answer to be discovered, and for a while it was a lot of frustration with myself all “why are you like [this], why can’t you do [that] right,” etc etc. but eventually i had like, a better frame of reference for a lot of what was going on, and even why i never quite felt like i had a great sense of Who I Am and What I Like and etc in the first place, and more understanding and respect for myself lol. even now it’s like, yknow i’m ~self-consious~ in ways often lol and i’ll sometimes Use that to be like, okay try to improve [this thing] about yourself!! and yknow on the one hand i feel like stuff i’ve been Working On for years Has paid off in ways, but then recently it’s like......okay hang on but like, it’s not a bad thing to like, have some traits that maybe aren’t gonna be seen as “perfect” or might be annoying or yknow, your Demeanor and Vibe isn’t always like, the most important thing to focus on lol or something where like, oh being sweet & saintly & coming across as utterly pleasant to everyone always gets to be The Objective Ideal. like, i’m opinionated and can be argumentative and sometimes impatient?? like, there’s a balance here between “good to be trying to Improve Yourself always or whatever lol” and “but also everyone is People with Traits and Different Personalities and everyone doesn’t have to just sand themselves down into an edgeless smooth sphere” and like, sure it’s like “haha i’m a bit more temperamental than i’d like still” but also i sure sympathize w/ the fact that like, oof, depression makes it tricky sometimes! and i do pretty okay at like, being Aware of when my mood is cursed and trying to be as chill about it as poss! or like, “haha wish i was better at conversation lmao” but yknow also understanding that like.....i’m just kinda Not great at it and that’s what’s Natural for me and like, again, a balance between “trying to be easier to talk to, lol” and “being okay with the fact that i’m not super easy to talk to and most ppl aren’t very easy for me to talk to either, lol”

im trying to be a bit less cagey lol which i guess might not be the first word someone might use to describe me for a variety of reasons, But......and but then also, i just like, for me there is no simple Be Yourself, Just Talk Naturally As U Would conversation mode lol, but you know. it’s hardly a pressing issue, and at the same time, like, sometimes when i find it hard to talk to people it’s like “well this is just you needing to Be Nicer” or whatever, or like, well you’re just not used talking to Anyone so like, push through it, and then it takes me a while to realize like, well no you just don’t love talking to them, lmao......and at the same time i’m Really slow to realize when people *do* actually enjoy talking to me, lmao, i am just not used to it And used to people like, not really being super interested in interacting with me even if they think i’m alright lol. lord! so i’m still slightly surprised whenever Anyone likes me, but also like, then again there’s sort of always these repeated scenarios where it’s like [Glum Trombone Noise] i’m also the recipient of various ppl’s various contempt for various reasons........which like, i sure don’t Absorb that as like “way 2 go, you deserve that” but also like, sure also never is the most fun experience of your life. but i have a way more solid sense of the fact that like, i don’t inherently deserve that, and an understanding of Why people will be Like That sometimes, and that’s all been acquired knowledge from the whole journey of this decade lol

also like, i have always been and continue to be like, Basically A Cat lol.....cats-sonas for everyone, ___ the ___ cat, But Seriously Folks........like, oh, there’s a lot of ppl and/or noise around?? unless i have chosen to put myself in that situation for fun, i’m probably gonna be finding whatever quiet / distant corner to hide out in and try to remain as undetected as possible.......kinda wary about interacting with people sometimes, though then also, i like to be friendly w/ strangers (if they’re friendly with me) and won’t necessarily mind spontaneous interactions but only if it’s Plausibly Expected in the situation, and even then, i might just prefer that Nobody Talk To Me......and i’ve yet to be Really comfortable in a group of ppl if i’m there *with* that group lmao, like, i don’t like to take the lead or compete for attention or anything and just kinda will try to do my own thing on the outskirts, whereas if i’m by myself it’s just like, i feel a lot more comfortable and like i can just do whatever lmao..........and also i don’t like to make noise lol. unless again, it’s deliberate, and it’s Fun. like at a concert? i will be the death of whatever nerd like, wants it to be like a solemn “listening to a record” occasion or wants everyone to yell out complete sentences if a performer asks an Arena full of people How Are You Doing 2nite or whatever. i’m gonna yell!!! anyways. idk. i am always like “oh i am Very Much [this way], except for all the times i am totally [the would-be Opposite way]”........i can’t really opt out of having Anxious Qualities and that’s alright, even though it does get in the way of things sometimes for sure. like, c’est la vie!!! i understand why i am like this, and that like, while for my own sake i can try to hold my own hand here and encourage myself to be a little bolder, it’s totally fine that like, i have Problems and Difficulties.

i’m also at like, maybe the lowest levels of Impending Dread that i’ve had since i was like, 8 or some shit lmao............like again kind of a Wild Decade and one where like, it was totally all like “wow am i even gonna make it to [a few yrs in the future] -> [a year in the future] -> [half a year from now]” aaand it hasn’t been a full year yet since i was last thinking like “lmfao oof i might not be alive by __, who knows!!” but even while that was going on it was at least an improvement from the times i thought i might like, hmm hope i don’t off myself. and like, this is probably the first Start Of A Year in like. well possibly the past decade lmao, where yknow, it hasn’t felt quite as dire. i mean im not really out here a cockeyed optimist about anything, and like, i’m aware that things are always a little tenuous and there’s other factors i’m always nervous about, but That’s nothing new, and i’m kinda more like, neutral about the future rn lol? feeling less Dread and Doom is new-ish lmao and like, allowing that yknow, despite how crappy the past decade has been re: how i felt in my Outlook, there’s been a bunch of surprising Good Things to come along, and i totally allow for the fact that that could easily continue to happen. having Less(ened) Bad Feelings about Things might not = Absolutely Thriving but i appreciate it!! i also try to be appreciative lmao. like, what with the dread and doom & (hope i don’t die this year, i guess,) feelings, it’s wildly hard nowadays for me to like, anticipate stuff in a ~fun~ way or at all, but yknow when anything nice, even a really small / unspectacular / ordinary moment and/or detail, is being experienced by me, i try to enjoy that. i like to be Appreciative. and i think i’m also sort of like, sharing more of myself than i’ve probably gotten to or felt capable of doing in the past, and i appreciate that a lot too. like, it can be really Depressing for sure to think of like, hmm i haven’t had the chance to like, feel in control of things and like things are Totally Fine and i feel Totally Okay & like i’m enjoying everything, and i can choose to pursue [things i might enjoy], and maybe i Won’t have that chance? [another glum trombone noise] but like. i appreciate the good experiences that i Do and Have gotten so far. and the fact i’ve ever been in situations to connect with people and enjoy things the ways that i can and like, it’s really nice that My Presence in other ppl’s lives, even as just like Some Online Rando re: some ppl lmao, has had some positive effect for them or even just been enjoyed is like, wow, this is pretty great lol.........not sure where i was taking this tangent but like, i am someone who appreciates this a lot.

hmm i am also a passionate person at the end of this decade lmao!!!! that has definitely always been true. i am Of That Temperament. it is funny b/c like, the fact that i am A Motormouth Actually But Often Not Saying Anything In The Least To People, they think i’m like, of this very mild disposition and Not someone with strong opinions that they will launch into, or else i would have been doing that already........but you know!!! here i am online, fully able to just dive into things and start talking about whatever for one million years. and i sure latch onto stuff in a Big Way sometimes, which is why anyone follows me at all lol, b/c if you like [whatever particular content] and i am just all about that too, it’s a beneficial situation for us both i guess lmao. i can get really excited and focused about stuff, obviously, and i sure Also Obviously like to explore the emotional aspects of things. which is a vague thing to say lmfao but you all know what i mean!!! it continues to be the only reason i draw lmaooo like i draw so much and like, Making Fanart And Sharing It Online has i think also been a journey of this decade for me, and i really only draw a) exactly that fanart that i feel like making, and b) what i feel like making is always also probably abt Feelings somehow, like the Three Emotions: kissing (aka gay), crying (sad), and angry (angry)........great news if you want to see the stuff i already happen to be drawing lol!!! bad news i guess if you were hoping i’d draw anything but whatever i end up wanting to draw. i cannot be diverted. and i don’t even draw for its own sake lol like, i’ve always doodled for fun and all that, but like, ive never been a “wow i want to make my own __ someday” or whatever, and if i’m trying to draw something which is anything other than [the exact thing i might feel like drawing] it is Such a chore that like, i just don’t do it except for like, total Exceptions. except exceptions lol. don’t ask!! anyways why did i get on that drawing tangent there........yeah it’s definitely lucky that i’ve been giving myself that Drawing Experience so that i can connect w/ ppl that way, cuz i’m godawful at like, necessarily providing other stuff lol Or at being the one to Make Connections Happen otherwise......and also of course sometimes it is easier to convey/communicate something via drawing. woohoo!!

anyways yeah i’m a bit excitable lol and i sure guess i’ve got that Chaotique energy at times, for better or worse lol........like sometimes my Contribution can be like, just an absolute wild card thrown into the pile, or just like, maybe adding some Boost to a situation that other people can run with if they so choose. just throw things out there sometimes and enjoy when other ppl find that fun lmao

what else is there about me??? lol.......oh yeah i’m always sort of an Office Goofaround (not actually in an office ever, though). like, when ppl Don’t have that sense of Collaborative Humor where like, if someone does something a bit silly u just roll with that bit, or if god forbid they have Exhausting Cishet Guy humor where they think everything is about Dry, “Intelligent” Sarcasm and that being “funny” is about making yourself look like the coolest or cleverest person there who Wins the Center Of Attention spot?? it’s like, eff that, where are my Get Silly gang. also puns are funny but also only b/c they are silly. you have to really lean into it lol.

well anyways!!!! and when i am asked to talk about myself i can be very extensive and yet not necessarily cover everything. here we are

26)favorite look you had?

my look hasn’t changed too much! Tees n Jeans (or shorts? or jorts? lol) are pretty much my thing altho you Know i have at times added in A Layer, or even accessories.......as always, part of the first few years of the decade for me was the whole “aha, yeah okay i’m trans” process, but before that i wasn’t ever really trying to be more “””””””””fashionable”””””””””” than the tees n jeans type of look anyway lmao, and even nowadays like, i have some Wardrobe Items that like, ppl might consider ”androgynous” or whatever when cis dudes wear them, like leggings or a v-neck sweater........really some of the only significant Changes was getting binder/s eventually (by 2012?? ugh idk) and also like, by 2011 i cut my hair relatively short, and from there on i just like, every year went “ugh god i need it to be shorter” and even now i’m like, hmm, do i want it shorter or is this fine?? but also i’m somewhat limited styling-wise b/c i just continually cut it myself in a bathroom mirror, true chaotic. and! i’ve been like, god i wish i had a baseball cap that’s just like, solid [my fave blue] or yknow, black or something, or idk. one that i like. and also someday it would be nice to like, not only have an updated prescription of lenses but also Multiple Glasses Frames to choose from, even though my current ones are alright still lol.......this is me just talking abt my past looks and how i’d like to potentially update my look lmao i did Not answer the question but, as usual, i also don’t have a great direct answer lol

38)a prediction you had for this decade that came true?

lol this was not a decade where i was ever looking ahead to 2020 and making any assumptions about this Block Of Time as a whole.......i mean like, i was Really starting to suspect byyyy 2012 for sure that like, i could not like, be able to exist And have my parents be in my life at all lol and by 2013 it was just like. increasing confirmation of that. and i last saw / spoke to them prior to me just effing out of there at the end of 2015. snaps for me

43)an important relationship (of any kind) you had?

well a couple i appreciated that might not be obvious were pretty brief and fairly impersonal lol. so in 2015 i had this Nightmare Job for five whole months which was obviously miserable in most ways, but there was this other guy who wasn’t even a Coworker, we just had the same job and had similar routes of Stores to go to, so we would run into each other a lot of mornings, and he would talk to me and i’d talk to him and he was totally good-humored about everything and that was helpful lmao b/c it’s great to have Someone you enjoy seeing. i also struck up a rapport with a baked-goods stocker at one particular store, and that could be an enjoyable 14 seconds. it was a godawful job lmao and like, Any pleasantness at all / decent treatment from other people was very helpful

also at this other job the next year which was a lot less hellish, there was this customer lady who like, i can’t remember at what point she started talking to me but yknow it got to be that if we’d run into each other she’d kind of update me on her life. and she would be like “sorry i’m talking to you, a stranger, about all this stuff all the time, but my life is a mess and i don’t really have anyone to talk to” and i would be like, lmfao mood, do not even worry about it, and yknow this was someone i only ran into usually once every few weeks at my job, and could only listen to for however long, but she was Going Tf Through It all the time and as much as i am a chatterbox who will go on for a century about myself b/c i can’t be concise abt anything ever, i’m also decent at being in Listening Mode lmao or yknow, i was like No Truly i don’t mind you venting, and also yknow, i’m like well i know how much it sucks to have Nobody to talk to about Big Problems. and i am this random restaurant worker and if i’m one of the only people this lady can talk to, you can bet i’m going to listen lol.......and she was really goin through it all One Thing After Another and yknow i’d catch her two weeks later and she’d be all like, well [this situation] has gotten worse, or This One Problem is over but now New Problem has replaced it, etc, and a whole issue that i got updated on was like lol. she had this boyfriend who she’d kinda mention early on when she was talking abt trying to find a job, or losing a new-but-terrible job and once again being back in that Job Hunt Stress, and idk like. i just sort of have decent Relationship Instincts lmfao of like “hmm this doesn’t sound great” but like, a month or two later she’s straightup Married to this dude, and i’m like oh congrats :) and then when a month or two after That she’s talking about how like, she’s maybe having Job Probs again and her now-husband is really giving her shit for like, not having found a new one yet, i’m like internally all [ :)))))) Not Surprised :))))))) ] but i’m like. yknow you Sympathize n Validate but if you just up and tell someone who’s being treated real bad like “you are being treated terribly, this person is acting terribly” then they might just want to defend them like oh it’s not That bad, or minimize it, and blame themselves for making their terrible partner “look bad”.......and by extension when she once was in our restaurant With said husband and introduced us i was like, just getting further confirmation abt this dude’s shittiness from his Immediate Vibe lmao like....whenever i feel uncomfortable enough in someone’s presence in a [not just universal level of Anxiety] way, it’s like, that instinct is pretty reliable & accurate lol.....but i had to pretend Not to hate him or act too standoffish towards him lmao cuz like!!! i figured i could “get away with it” but yknow, this lady had already said how isolated she was and the husband sure seemed Controlling and like, yknow, if you act like you don’t Like the shitty partner or said shitty partner catches wind of you maybe telling this person that “hey your partner is being shitty” then it’s all, them telling their partner “don’t go around that person who is so obviously Against me >:(” and like. yknow i figured as Random Restaurant Employee this dude wasn’t about to be super on guard about me but i still was not wanting to risk it but luckily i only met him the one time and only had to casually pretend i didn’t think he was shit that one time. and anyhow! soon enough the lady is talking to me about how she thinks getting married to him was a mistake but like, again, she was real isolated and didnt have family or friends or ppl in the area to talk to, and like, yknow she would be pretty sure her husband was cheating on her but of course He was the one all like, wanting to be controlling and invade her privacy and accuse Her of cheating on him, and i’m like, internally screaming but again yknow, i’m just letting her vent to Anyone (me) and sympathizing. and iirc her talking about her “uh oh my husband sucks” was like, i had come back from this delivery so we were in the parking lot lol and she was so upset about all of it and like, “sorry i’m just this random person talking to you for twenty minutes in a parking lot and crying lol” and i’m like. i mean yknow if the only person you can vent to about this terrible situation is me, this random person in a parking lot, absolutely i am glad to do it, even though i would’ve done it anyways lol...........and i was so mad at our General Manager this one time lmao b/c. yknow it’s a couple weeks later and wouldn’t you know it, The Lady is really stressed b/c her husband was yelling at her and broke a window in their apartment, and the Cost Of Repairs added to their monthly rent meant they might not be able to make that rent, and she was in that crappy situation that gets pulled on Tenants Who Probably Don’t Have Much Money, where you’re supposed to get 5 Days Notice or whatever when they’re like “get out b/c your rent is overdue” but you get that Notice on like, friday afternoon when your Last Day is supposed to be the following monday, and nobody is at the office all weekend, so obviously that’s not five days and it’s really only One Day and that Last Day that you’d even have a chance to talk to anyone, which is also a monday when you’d probably have work, and yknow, good luck finding help over the weekend, when probably ppl will just want to spend that time rushing to just pack their shit up and leave anyways.....ANYHOW it’s just some particular heinous bullshit and it was like, the saturday after it had happened to her, and i sympathized entirely b/c that had happened to me and i now lived in my car but i figured i wouldn’t bring that up lmfao.......and anyways i was sitting down with her to listen to her b/c it’s an Insanely Stressful Situation and again like, whenever she’d show up i’d let her talk to me abt her Problems for however long she felt like. and anyways of course eventually the one By-The-Books manager gives me shit all like “what are you doing daring to Sit Down and Not be doing restaurantly actions, ugh” and i’m like. i mean, unsurprising lecture to get lol, of course, but i was just so impatient like. well this person was having a crisis so i prioritized that above keeping the coffee stirrers fully stocked at all times, bite me. ENNYHOW and i didn’t see her for a minute after that and i Was a bit worried b/c like. of course i had every reason to be and she was just always looking so completely exhausted but then like, actually the last time i saw her she was actually more upbeat than ever b/c like! turns out that during an argument her husband had assaulted her and had been arrested. which is of course like. i was like oh i am completely sorry about that trauma but congratulations at this person being separated from you!!! and like, i wish i could have kept up with her beyond that, but i couldn’t, but like, that was the first Improvement in her life that i’d heard since i met her, and it was a way better last-thing-to-hear-from-her than her stressing out abt eviction thanks to her abusive husband breaking shit. and like, weird relationship lmao but!! idk i did feel lucky that i could be The One Person This Lady Gets To Talk With b/c like, god forbid she have absolutely nobody to talk to about this shit or treat her with any sympathy, even if it was just me, the rando she only got to see on occasion. and i hope she’s doing okay still! wish i knew for sure of course, but i’m glad i at least got to be there for her in a tiny way for a period of time and did eventually like, Know that she both knew that this was a bad person to be with, and got that Reason to be separated from him.

#imsocatastrophic

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bastardsunlight · 5 years ago

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//LONG-ass headcanon sesh for D, Alucard (Hellsing) and Adrian (CV’s Alucard) all kinda rolled into one.

So, since I don’t have radiantDecay anymore, I’ve sort of pulled back from the verse where Adrian BECOMES D. There was a lot of movement and timeline adjustment that had to happen for that one, and while it is in some way still possible, I’m not terribly interested in upkeeping a unique interpretation for a character that’s never really going to come into play. If you’re writing with D, it’s thousands of years after he was Adrian. If you’re writing with Adrian, it’s pre-1999 pretty much.

So, I have some documents someplace that I had written regarding D’s origins. The novels heavily imply that he’s somehow enhanced—y’know the movies hint at him just being super powerful Mary Sue turbo ultra dhampir simply because he is the son of “Our Sacred Ancestor” whomst we all pretty much know is Dracula himself right? Certain novels even hint that Mina Harker is his mother, if they don’t just outright state it. It might be the clunky translation (they really should have been more carefully transliterated because WOW some of those sentences just… don’t), but thus far it’s not been made CRYSTAL PERFECT CLEAR. However, I’m more than willing to run with that idea.

Dracula is, by the time Mina et. Al. come up against him, quite old, nigh ancient. I think that the Dracula of the Bram Stoker novel is or, rather, was the historical Vlad III Dracula Tepes (the impaler), born in the 1420s, “died” in the 1470s, iirc. Supposedly, the sultan at the time… Mehmed Fatih, kept his head in a box for a while before pinning him up on the walls of Constantinople, which the Turks controlled at the time. Ugly period in history for Eastern Europe… With Wallachia and Transylvania, in particular, two kingdoms in Romania, times were triple trouble. They were sandwiched between the Ottoman Empire to the east, then west was Eastern Orthodox Christendom—further west was Roman Catholicism and if you think THOSE guys didn’t fight, ding dong ur wrong!

BUT this period of violence produced one of the most well-known and controversial heroes (sometimes called a war criminal) of all time. Also he had a great ‘stache. Now when I write Hellsing’s Alucard, I roll with this same lore, so D and that Alucard could absolutely exist in the same ‘verse. It’s kind of a “darkest timeline” deal, a world in which the Belmont clan never existed. Before that even, Lisa never made Dracula’s acquaintance so the guy’s motivations are a little different. In addition, he is NOT Mathias Cronqvist, a tactician during the first crusades in 1090 AD. In that case, he would have revamped (PUN) his whole personality and integrated himself into one of the other great houses of Wallachia/Transylvania and re-emerged four hundred years later as Vlad the Impaler. That could work fine—not like he hasn’t got time—and that would have been around the time he met, and lost, Lisa. Now whether THAT part of history looks the same is dubious, since Vlad’s exploits during the period of his reign/deposition/reign/deposition/beheading are pretty decently documented. In this case, I’m going to say the Belmonts’ existence is in a timeline where those conflicts also may have played out differently. As these are all fictional worlds, I guess this’s up to ME atm. Nice.

So this is part “how I write D” and part “how I’d be inclined to write Alucard (Hellsing) in interactions that take place BEFORE the manga—like WAY before”. Since Adrian would have been a major contributing factor to the Belmonts’ strength from Trevor onward (so in the games idk if folks know this, but Adrian is Trevor’s father, with Sonia Belmont being his mom), that would also have contributed, at least in part, to the ability of the Belmonts to stomp Dracula and his minions.

With D, there is no need to include Mathias and his ebony/crimson stone conundrum, which does tend to throw a small monkey wrench in the ol’ gears (but not big enough I can’t adapt, trust me). The difference, aside from lack of Belmonts, is the origin of vampires. Clearly, they’re a magical construct or a spell-woven form of sentient life in Castlevania. In Vampire Hunter D, it’s heavily implied (once again, not outright stated) that the Nobility, some of them anyway, are simply a mutation of humanity (Dark Gene vs Light Gene, Lina’s whole deal, among other passages here and there), who also happen to be allergic to garlic, crucifixes, running water, and basic-ass Bram Stoker weaknesses. They’ve even got labs full o’ Nobles tryin’a conquer the sun issue.

So to know D, we gotta know his dad first. At the beginning, Vlad III is born to (big surprise) Vlad II. He and his brother are sent to Edirne as part of the Ottoman Empire’s “tribute” of however many young boys from noble houses, to be trained in the ways of Islam and Turkish mannerisms, etc. This is more for pacification of that region of Europe, which is still Eastern Orthodox, than it is for real “peace”. It’s “peace because you guys are a good buffer zone between us and the rest of Eastern Orthodox-dom”, anyway. Every _voivode_ of Wallachia has to swear allegiance to either the Ottoman Empire or to the Eastern Orthodox church. While most of that area is EO, it’s in their best interest to swear to the Ottoman Empire. They’re bigger and closer. Vlad’s dad has done some underhanded shit, but he’s also a member of the Order of the Dragon and has propelled it to new heights within the EO and that’s where Vlad gets his name: Dracula, which is Son of the Dragon. So Vlad II’s immediate family are known as the Draculesti, which is fucking cool—it’s like “children of the dragon” and that’s not even his like, NAME name—it’s a frickin’ nickname, or sobriquet, as is Tepes.

In the world of Vampire Hunter D, vampirism appears to be a genetic phenomenon—ironically, a mutation. No Noble is going to admit that, OBVIOUSLY. And while it’s true, they were probably born that way, they’re still a mutant human derivative. Rather than mutating due to radiation or whatevermstthefuck like the actual mutants in VHD, they’re just born that way. So what I’m rolling with is Vlad III was born with that particular mutation and, kind of like my OC Toby, who is also a genetic vampire, it takes a violent or unnatural death to trigger the actual symptoms, else you’re just a normal-ass person. In fact, in this interpretation, I’m going to say that maybe quite a few people are BORN with that mutation, but if they live to a ripe old age and die, it never triggers. Most likely, the body is too enfeebled to handle it, maybe it dies after menopause/andropause? Either way, the body has broken down too much and there’s no material to work with.

That might also go a long way to explain the animosity many old vampires have toward humanity. Sometimes it’s straight up contempt, of course, but every single time, it seems to be a removal. Carmilla is a good example. Most of the time, her backstory involves a vicious assault that might very well have killed her. Imagine dying that way and waking back up to find that you had to KEEP living in the world that did this to you, that death is FAR far off. I can understand being VERY PERTURBED, to put it mildly. By the same token, what about war? How many folks die in war? Thousands? Millions? Of all those, how many have the mutation? Probably quite a few. Some folks might not figure out what’s going on and stay where they are, buried for decades, before just wasting away without sustenance—Vampires DO require blood, after all, to keep doin’ their thing. Plenty more are probably just torched in the sun. Since they were KIA, it might be rough finding their bodies in the first place…

So Vlad is beheaded—now this part intersects VERY well with Hellsing’s Alucard in my portrayal—and Mehmed Fatih keeps his head close at hand for a bit, probably talking to it. What happens when it starts talking back? We know Dracula has some SERIOUSLY kickass abilities and putting himself back together would definitely be one of ‘em, in my humble opinion. Mehmed dies not long after he achieves “victory” over Vlad the Impaler and no one knows where Vlad’s remains are. Maybe they up and walked the fuck away, hm? Maybe it was HE who ensured Mehmed’s destruction. How poetic would THAT be? Spoiler alert ||very||.

Now imagine going through everything he did—the guy had a tumultuous life. He might be one of the few, lucky ones who figure out that sunlight is a no-go, hide himself away, eventually go back to haunt his castle in the mountains between Transylvania and Wallachia. Now fast forward to the 1800s, MODERN TIMES (heehee okay) and one very ambitious realtor who wants to sell a creepy old abbey to some weird foreigner. Seems legit. Anyway by now we can see that Dracula’s gotten kinda nutty? He has three scary “wives” but he doesn’t seem to care much for ‘em. They’re obviously vampires, too, though I cannot recall if they’re turned by him or if they’re LIKE him—anyone who’s read it recently, do feel free to refresh me.

He’s kinda senile and while he’s crafty, he’s outsmarted by a dandy, an ancient-ass doctor, a dude who cannot stop fainting, a man named Quincey (my husbando), and Jack Seward—nuff said. He has some kind of congress with Mina, though ofc it’s the Victorian age so the only penetration is that of his li’l toofers on her poor neck. Nom. I don’t think Dracula banged Mina Harker. I think that, in THIS world, a dhampir is a nigh-impossibility, because at this point (and their cool-ass vampire science might’ve changed this), vampires are The Undead™ and therefore cannot CREATE LIFE. Not even if they have a raging turboner (that’s a turbo boner, for those of u not in the know). So he bit Mina, but before he did that, Mina married Jonathan—like as soon as he got home. They were married and living together and doing the frickle frackle, presumably, before Drac shows up in London to mess up their day.

In this case and for the sake of sanity, to create a dhampir, the vampire must chew on a pregnant lady. The curse lifts from her when the master is killed, but his blood has already entered and changed the child; the process is much longer and more involved for an adult human, who has an immune system and much more ground to cover. If the smol bean was in embryo stage or even fetal, it had no defense and mom’s body provided it with everything, Dracula’s blood, included. The final set of letters in Dracula mentiones a young boy, Jonathan and Mina’s son, Quincey, named after their fallen friend. So little Quincey is a dhampir!

Now, a bitten vampire cannot, in this universe, turn anyone else. They can feed and create thralls, but they can’t make VAMPIRES. In Hellsing lore, if a vamp bites you and you’re a virgin, you become one—if not, you become a ghoul/zambolio thingamajigger. Integra narrates this for us pretty early on. But it’s not Alucard’s venom doing this. It’s the vicar of Cheddar Village, who is a manufactured vampire. He’s not a true vampire, not like Alucard. Now, Alucard DOES ask Seras if she’s a virgin ‘fore he kills and bites her, which makes sense… IF HE LOVED MINA.

Hear me out. So, he saw this strong-ass bitch and thought “goddamn I’m sick of my whiny, vicious wives UGH I need me a woman like that”. So he’s gunna turn her. It probably takes longer since he hasn’t been powered up by Hellsing and their dark science-magic shit, or whatever it was… OR as he chomps on ‘er, he realizes “well fuck me she’s preggo, so even if she changes, I can’t have her”. Pregnant blood has GOTTA taste different, all those hormones and shit, even early on. I think he did have some weird admiration-affection for her. His arrogance and greed, however, has taken him over, so perhaps he decides to change her slow, to make the fellas suffer. They’ve fucked with him so he’s gunna fuck with them, but I think it pains him a little to do so, because lbr Mina’s the woman of his dreams.

So when Quincey is born, he’s perfect, healthy, rosy-cheeked, and by god only Mina knows something’s amiss. Damned if she’s going to say shit to Jonathan, who’s liable to faint, the absolute fucking walnut. They live fairly well, having taken over the real-estate business from their wonderful, generous, dead benefactor.

Much like Carmilla’s weirdo ghost, however, Dracula’s spirit absolutely lives on.

TL; DR D was born Quincey Harker.

#aboutdmeta #aboutadrianmeta #aboutalucardmeta

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clotpolesonly · 6 years ago

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what is ur opinion on gwen and arthur's relationship

i have mixed feelings. i’ve come to the conclusion recently that the way i engage with my favorite shows is sort of......in good faith. by which i mean, when shows do something clumsy but well-intentioned, i tend to give it the benefit of the doubt and accept it for what it was meant to be.

Arwen for me is sort of like that. i love them both individually as characters, and i like the idea of them together. i just think they were badly executed, mostly because they butchered Gwen’s character in later seasons. their scenes together are very sweet, but they’re entirely Arthur-centric with Gwen being a support system and voice of reason for him.

i accept that Gwen loves Arthur because Angel made it obvious, but we didn’t get to actually see enough of their relationship outside Gwen supporting Arthur in moments of crisis for me to really understand why. i accept that Arthur loves Gwen because he said so, even though everything we ever see Gwen doing for Arthur, we also see Merlin doing for Arthur (more often, in more ways, and with more impact). i accept that they love each other because i as a viewer love them both and see their lovable qualities independently.

i wish their relationship had been given more screen time, and more balanced screen time. i wish Gwen had gotten more screen time in general with actual story lines outside being Arthur’s love interest (or being mind-controlled evil, that was fun...). i wish they’d let Gwen be fully rounded enough to be not be completely outshone by Merlin, because it’s so hard to look at Arthur and Gwen and think True Love when Arthur and Merlin are right there being twice as intimate and twice as compelling (however we interpret them -- a romance is not inherently deeper than a friendship and the magically confirmed true love status of Arwen does not supersede the demonstrated closeness of Merthur).

that being said, i still love the idea of Arwen. they’re sweet and stable, less intense than Arthur and Merlin but also less tumultuous. when i wrote gen fics, Arwen always snuck itself into the background as just a fact of life.

my verdict -- i accept and appreciate Arwen for what it was intended to be, regardless of how lackluster the execution was.

#Arwen #Arthur Pendragon #Gwen #BBC Merlin #tags by me #so to speak just for organizational purposes #(ps casual reminder that i use smush names both romantically AND platonically)#Anonymous #and the answer is

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angcliics · 5 years ago

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( cherry chapstick coated lips inhaling from a dab pen , oversized flannels hanging off of bare shoulders , an easy laugh over a constant hum of music ) * ╱ hey , was that andrea “andi” cahill i just saw ? yeah , i heard they’re a twenty - two year old and studying political science and that they live in hermes . you might be able to recognise them by their cartier love necklace , but people around campus describe them as generous but also impatient , which i guess makes sense since their mbti test showed up as infj . their reputation would be completely ruined if people found out that she’s struggled with drug addiction , but let’s keep that between you and me … for now . + zendaya , cisfemale , she/her , junior .

hi, hello, ur trash ari checking in with my trash baby, andi. let’s get right into the viDeO !!

i tend to ramble so i’m gonna try to keep it short...ish.. and sweet...ish. hehe

the WINDHAM-CAHILL family

andi was born to a bit of a tumultuous household. her mother is a renowned actress from the windham family-- think a dash of kennedy and a hint of the roberts, with old money going back generations on the east coast and a few well-known hollywood elites with accolades out west.

her mother had developed a bit of a substance abuse problem, and was inconsistently present in her daugher’s life, always choosing to travel or hand andi off to the nanny or her father instead. when she was around, she was often interested in material things and shallow aspects of her daughter’s life– her clothes, her looks, her popularity– and was hardly satisfied with andi, always reminding her of where she came from and what she needed to be.

her father, a wealthy self-made financier, is kind and well meaning, but unequipped to handle his wife’s issues oftentimes. the pair got into shouting matches and fights over her substance abuse issues and and frequent absences often enough. regardless, andi is very devoted to her father, fiercely defensive of him in any family argument, and close with him, seeing him as a rock amidst the instability of her mother.

she’s the eldest of three, with two younger brothers. she’s very protective of them as well, but as the only daughter, andi usually took the brunt of her mother’s nitpicking, perfectionistic projections and arguments. although easygoing, when continually faced with conflict, andi would at times fight back with her mother. part of her despises her mother, part of her still desperately wants to be good enough to finally get that mark of approval and hear “i’m proud of you.”

on the surface of course everything looked lovely: the beautiful, shining oscar-winning elizabeth windham, the american dream success story andrew cahill, and three children with talent and poise. andrew himself attended bellecotte for undergrad, and andi is proud to follow in his footsteps, although her father was a member of the house of zeus.

personal HISTORY

feeling the pressure from her mother and the increased attention due to her family name and fame, andi always felt like she was the kind of student that had to “do it all” in high school. so she tried. she took the AP classes, sat on student council, went to football games and every party and was even prom queen.

she has ADHD, so using adderall was first nature to her and doesn’t affect her the way it affects others, but after long days of going, going, going and feeling stress and pressure and having to do it all on all sides, she started using xanax and smoking weed often to chill out and deal with it all, and on the weekends you could find her drinking straight liquor straight-faced in between puffs off her pipe at house parties.

still, she managed to keep it together enough to get into bellecotte, where she’s kept up much the same-- her struggles with xanax and other benzos in particular ebbing and flowing with how stressed and anxious and burnt out she is, and whatever she’s going through. she doesn’t hide her frequent marijuana use really-- always taking hits off of her dab pen, she’s quite a functional high after so many years.

studying political science because it interests her, and because she knows she’s ultimately lucky enough to have opportunities presented to her because of her parents’ careers, and wants to learn how to create and advocate for a more equitable system for those less fortunate. her father, as he’s self made, often took her back to his hometown and showed her how he grew up, so she knows it doesn’t all just come for free. unsure what exactly she wants to do post grad, whether that’s politics, film, writing, business-- but she’s interested in a lot of things.

PERSONALITY

the GOOD: creative, determined, altruistic, passionate, insightful, protective

the BAD: reticent, moody/sensitive at heart, prone to burn-out, possessive

has a tendency to hold grudges when hurt, desperately wants to be enough for someone to stay, really wants to be needed and loved for who she is instead of what she does or her name or anything else.

an introvert that’s very good at extroverting, although it can exhaust her and by the end of the party she’s always found somewhere quiet to smoke and sneak off to.

is the kind to be casually smoking a joint and then make a point about how the misconceptions of the aztec empire upon the arrival of white settlers were overblown and eventually grew into contributing to the general ethnocentric/westernized perspective of native american peoples being savages and uncivilized, right? god. and then laugh and go back to watching whatever’s on tv

a Flirt. u know it now. has always had lots of Boy things happening and tends to get herself into lots of messy shit in that arena. hookups, exes, boyfriends, fwbs, etc– handles it and talks about it with self depricating humor. part of it goes back to that kind of low self value she has deep down since she’s afraid she’s not enough for who she is, just good for the relationships she has and what she can give other people and such.

tends to keep her sensitivity/insecurities to herself. copes with them by forcing herself to extrovert harder and going out more and keeping herself busy. like i mentioned, she’s struggled with substance abuse to some extent since high school– drinking, smoking, dipping into some prescription pills to help with her grades, or her anxiety, or any number of things. you might suspect it if you’re very observant, but probably not- it’s usually hidden by a shimmering smile, the glint of a cartier love necklace, and a tight outfit with a warm “CHEEERS.”

this is one thing she’ll get defensive about and deflect from, btw. she doesn’t want to acknowledge it because acknowledging it means she has another problem to deal with and it feels like she’s been dealing with this shit forever.

sarcastic, but not mean unless she’s comfortable with someone, in which case it’s a teasing-kind of sarcasm-mean. laid back– just as comfortable wandering around target for two hours, kind of high, as she is at a night club with a crowd of friends and expensive bottle service. definitely more adventurous when she’s a little drunk or high. very typical to find her on the roof watching the sunset and smoking a joint while writing or listening to music or just being there with someone.

can be self-sacrificing, self-deprecating, will martyr herself, burn herself out, and become possessive and demanding at times in stress. she’s an enneagram type 2 if that helps u understand hehe.

wanted CONNECTIONS

i have a tag, but generically, i’d love and am always down for ride or die, best friends, skinny love??, longtime friends, childhood friends, housemates, sibling like relationship, exes, ex one night stand/fwb, current fwb, enemies-ish, crushes (unrequited either way or mutual), maybe a roommate??, neighbors?? all of it ok *sharpay vc* i want it all !!

and this got long ofc even though i tried JESUS i hate me ok anyways hmu here or on discord for plots?? i love u all?? i’m so sorry??

#belle:intro #tw drug abuse #tw emotional abuse #tw alcohol #i think i got those all shit

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gg-astrology · 6 years ago

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could u do a brief looking of nam taehyun too? I wish all winner, but I know you're tired. thank u!

Hey there! 💛💛 haha I probably won’t have time to do everyone in Winner, but I think Nam Taehyun is the one who’s solo now right? 💛 I can definitely do a brief look at him for you! 💛

[Below Cut: Nam Taehyun Brief Outlook]

Note: This is very brief and also just my own lil overview of everything, everyone can have differing interpretations, so please read with ur own discretions 💛

First of all we have a Taurus Baby!

Taurus Sun/Moon – Gemini Mercury/Venus (Mercury at 0′31) – Mars in Aries and Scorpio Jupiter rx

With Taurus Sun/Moon this is someone who is incredibly dependable, often resilient and has a good head on their shoulder.

Taurus Sun/Moon are often people who wouldn’t think twice about protecting those that they love, they have a hard time even giving up/separating themselves away from routine/habits that can sometimes be bad for them.

Mostly because both the ego/self-esteem, and the emotionality of the person (Sun/Moon) is incredibly stubborn and relies strongly on routine.

They look out for other people, nurture and care for them (Taurus as a Venus sign) — these people are inherently very giving, and may humbly decline any success/attribute that comes their way (depending on what it is).

They are – also, very fixed on finding comfort and security within their life. That’s part of the motivation with Taurus/Taurus— as ‘peace-loving’ as they can be they are always motivated to work-hard and get success– their measurement is in their stability, an apartment, a lifestyle outside of work, small hobbies/details in their life that fulfills them internally.

These people often need balance to live, and often compensating too extremely into something (like work, or lifestyle) causes them to feel dread/stagnant in themselves.

They need a life outside of things, y know? That’s part of the Taurus ‘happy with the little things’ motive/ideas. They want to have a life just outside, able to manifest/take control over their own security and comfort.

These people don’t do well with others pushing them to change their ways OR mind, they’re often too resilient and tenacious in their own ways to change.

Unless they made up their mind for themselves (which they’re often pretty cautious and slow in doing so– because they hate upsetting a routine more than anything) – no one could make them budge.

Considering his Aries Mars as well— retaliation to his self-protection, or attacks on others in his field of visions would drive him into action to ‘stop it’ immediately (physically or just, emotionally invested in other’s well being. Protective and sensual Taurus)

Food takes priority for Tauresean. But so does artistic expression, often these people have magnetic voices or musical abilities (Taurus rules the throat traditionally) having that in his ego and emotional gratification— both of these things hold an importance to him on a personal level.

Having the ability to express it out is always part of who he is– regardless of entertainment industry or nah.

The thing about Taurus is that they are inherently hard-working and tenacious, often expects hardship and to face it with stead-fast-nature that they have. This is because they desire results, or the ‘good burn’ of working that comes from being treated fairly/justly.

When the ego/self is in Taurus (Sun) that means that the material result/wealth (money/statues) is also important to an extent. Their self-identity comes with that, and often builds up based on their self-sufficiency, their independence away from others and what they can ‘make’ for themselves.

Their own ‘comfort’ is their driving force, being able to live the way they want to, comfortably balanced between working autonomously and having a life besides of working/grinding for themselves. Thus– you can kinda see why his mental health is much more important than money. It comes with comfort that Taurus thrives/seek. And it takes a lot to break a Taurus’s routine, honestly.

A note on aspect: he has his Sun-Neptune aspecting which – again– talks about his ego being tied to his musicality and expression. Honestly you can find a lot of artists with this placements, especially in personal planets and a tight conjunction.

With Taehyun it’s trine– so in a way, he’s always had this intuition for his career/musical opportunity for him at the front of his mind. Considering his Neptune in Capricorn, he dreams about making it big (which he did) but within that– he also desire to have balance/personal popularity that Taurus sun brings in as well. Wants to be respected for his musicality, and often times admired for his hard-working spirit/charm.

One of the biggest factor is his Moon opposition Jupiter– since we talked about Taurus I feel like that’s a good base to talk about this too right?

When his emotionality is in opposition to Jupiter’s social popularity, often time he’s emotionally at odds with the darker side of fame, of obsession.

Scorpio Jupiter brings a deeper search, especially sacrifices made and having an unorthodox view/belief/ideas as opposed to the norm. It can make the person’s emotionality uncomfortable having to be ‘tugged/forced’ on the leash of Scorpio Jupiter to ‘be’ a certain way, ‘act’ a certain way, ‘charm’ a certain way.

Scorpio Jupiter in opposition to the Moon can bring someone who slowly but eventually– emotionally distance themselves from obligations/things they have to do. The social/public obsession drains the Taurus emotionality, often times demanding more and more paranoia over the Taurus Moon until they can’t help but just be– numb to it all

It’s kinda like going ‘hey this is me :)’ and then someone going ‘ok but they said ‘hey’ so that obviously means SOMETHING’ and you explain yourself over and over until you’re just left….exhausted… because you just said what you said you know?

Moon-Jupiter as an aspect can also speak about over-indulgence in comfort as well, things and obsession over something else that they could ‘escape’ from the public/tension with. Especially combined with Sun-Pluto that can often live in fear of change, of feeling uneasy and that their life goes through so many tumultuous change (also in Scorpio).

The Taurus native with these aspects to Jupiter and Pluto may often find themselves more and more ‘complacent’ in their luxury, their comfort and become more ‘lazy’ over time.

Not to say that he’s lazy, just that when ones get drained over and over again you lose motivation to ‘pursue/push’ and do something about it.

Taehyun with his Moon sextile to Saturn– is quite capable of keeping his feelings on hold/in control until he can’t anymore. And that’s when he breaks.

Alot of his passion/drive has to do with his Gemini placements– Mercury and Venus. A lot of varieties and interest, often a healthy stimuli and uplifting spirit. These people are animated talker, jokester, can be a lil unconventional with how controversial they are- yet at the same time, they endear people to them because of their inherent honesty and forth-right nature.

Mercury-Uranus (trine) Supports his Sun-Neptune from earlier– with this marks a great singer/song-writer, since Gemini is domicile in Mercury (and Taurus is exalted in Moon) – Taehyun has a lot of romanticism and creative splurges, able to think and create visionary ideas and crafts.

Often a person who ties dreaminess of the imagination to the commonality of the world in a way that lets people ‘escape’ their life for a moment. It fuels him personally, and often can lead to someone being well-spoken, well-read but also inherently a lil scattered at the same time (a fool)

Mercury-Pluto makes him a little impatient, this is the only ‘change’ he can satisfy. It’s when his thinking and vision change, to a point sometimes that he doesn’t wait for anyone else to ‘catch up to him’.

Gemini can be a little like that, a little selfish and self-serving especially when they’re intrigued/interested in a new venture/venue. It can lead them to pursuing it rather aggressively, or rather – obsessively to some extent.

Same goes with Venus-sextile-Mars— often someone who has to ‘do the work himself’ in order to see it happening. Considering Aries Mars and Gemini Venus — he’s often temperamental when it comes to ‘getting things done’

Even though he’s patient and respectful, there’s a part of him that is stiff and doesn’t know how to ‘let up’ and get things down harmoniously.

Venus-square- Saturn often points to someone who can have a hard time ‘opening up’ sometimes.

Think about Gemini and consider that they are all sharp edges, fraught and cutting. They can sometimes cuts too deep into others and thus, ‘breaks down’ any stability that they’ve built because of it as well. Impulsivity is their worst enemy, yet at the same time he’s addicted to the motion/progression he makes when he ‘takes action’ for himself.

With Taurus talking about patience, comfort and grudges, while Aries Mars talks about emotional release, impulsivity and self-assertion. You get a combination of someone who’s quite contradictory.

Sometimes when others are looking in— his Gemini Venus/Scorpio Jupiter rx makes him seem unreliable or untrustworthy. His honesty can sometimes be seen as a ‘front’ because all the contradictorian nature discredit his hard work.

Despite how hard he tries to prove himself over and over again, he doesn’t see how change and learning/listening to others could benefit him (a disadvantage of Taurus-Scorpio opposition) he makes the same mistake over and over (behaviorally/routinely)– because he can’t understand/identify the underlying message others want him to take/make an effort to change.

Other placements: Virgo Chiron, Gemini Ceres, Libra Juno rx

Alrighty! 💛 Sorry for replying so late but here ya go! 💛💛 I hope you like it! 💛

#taehyun #nam taehyun #south club #winner #winner astrology #kpop astrology #anon #asks #winner scenario #winner imagines #winner reactions #taehyun imagines #taehyun reactions #taehyun scenarios

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